Friday, March 27, 2009

Clueless and Remain Clueless

All this well i have been keeping anything to myself, my sad, my pain, my disappointment and anger, i hiding it not because i do not want to share it and let people help for those who really good to me but i hide it because i dun want to influence the feeling of people around me and spoiled their mood. Even i in berserk condition i will go away far from from my friends to calm myself down and forget it alone cause i dun want them to feel awful and i will not angry of my friends more then half day. All this well i treat my friends better then everything, i dun have motive to used them, take advantage of them, didn't hope anything return if i help them and forever never even think of offense them. Yes of cause people will say i just blow water and just talk cock but believe it or not, that is holding all this well. But yet i still some how offense and hurt their feeling. i admit my speaking style and my action are offensive but i really mean it, everyone got weakness, i can forgive why other dun? first clueless and death end case. Second clueless case is i accidentally and even not knowing how i offended and even not knowing i really offended my friends and they keep it for themselves, keep distant from me and even treat me like invisible. At least let me know what did i offended or how i offended so that i can make it up for them.
Third and last clueless case is a question, 'for two people to become a friend, do we need any specification or advantage to take from each other??'.

Again, i wrote this not to offended anyone or specific to anyone, just this is my own feeling and things that running around my mind all this well. And i would like to say sorry in the deepest of my heart to anyone who i offended in anyway and please do correct me^^.

Friday, March 13, 2009

Story FromThe Past

A guy from a little town with not pleasing attitude and behavior go through his life with he think the best. His life is surrounded by dark cloud forcing him to turn dark too until he meet someone, a girl, a normal very short school girl who always smile to everyone, help everyone she think can help, and most importantly, she didn`t care about guy past and behavior. Yes, the guy flow in love with her, and he start to think a guy like himself can really suit her or even get alone with her. So, he promise himself to dump his all life and start a new one. At begining, he find it difficult cause his friends demoralising him due to his change of attitude but he didnt give up. He mission meet hope when he meet a friend which can bring him to his new life. They become good friend and because his best friend he meet banch of new friend and through his new friend he found him new life. With full confident, he confront the girl and he found out that the girl was watching him all this well and very please with his preformance^^. From that day onward, they go through thier life happily and forget thier time together are almost up. 4 years past and his other half need to go oversea to study and maybe work there. So, they make a promise, a promise that they will stay together for the rest of thier life after he finish his and her study. 1 years had past, the guy start to feel lonely, and a serious need of company from his closes one. Without realising it, he getting alone with girls around him and also start their relationship a couple. But everytime he think of his real partner, he end up his relationship with them, hurting them mentally and physically. 2 years had past and he still waiting for the promise to become reality. But things arent goes they way he image it, he start to hearing romurs from his friends that his gf with another guy. He reject the rumors or maybe ignoring the fact that the romurs are true cause he himself lose control before. The day was a raining day, when get out from the airport he go straight to his gf house to give a suprise visit. when he open the door of his gf house, he found out that she is very suprise but the funny things is he himself are more suprise. The rumors were true, here they are sitting togerther watching movie with the guy hand over his gf shoulder and his gf leding on him. His mind blank, body cant move and his subconscious tell him to get out there. He left the door key on the table and turn back slaming the door before him. That moment, the girl run out from him and ask for forgiveness from him, and the he reply him ' If you really love him dun turn back and look back, just let our relationship bury on the past and i hope you happy with him'. Tears flowing, out of control and unstoppable, yet he keep telling himself to give it up. Time pass by, know his ex-gf living happily is a relief, but yet the wound created very too deep and cant recover. Everyday he keep strugling to forget her even try to find a new partner to continiou his new life but he feel sorry to start a new one, because he still miss her.

Saturday, March 7, 2009

Tsunami Feeling

When you riding on a wave with your surf board, you will feel very nice and high when you at the highest point of that wave. But, when then wave reach the coast of the beach it will come down crashing on to the beach. That is what i feeling now, hope and disappointed. Seriously i m losing confident on this love issue already after i had been through a massive lose of my life. After that break up, i taught i had overcome it and move on with my life but somehow it keep hunting me when ever i come to this issue. I dun want to make it as excuse but, i really hope that someone can give me back my confident. Lately i went to a trip where that place is always covered by cloud, it was a nice trip, where i enjoy the weather and condition there, very relaxing. Got nice and also unpleasing feeling but overall NICE. Other then relaxing, there is one hidden quest that i bring along. At the beginning of the quest everything when very smooth and i strongly believe that was my day, but one she step out from bus we are like a magnet only i m opposite poll-_-. If the reason given is paiseh(shy), then you think my face thick like safe vault?-_- dun understand and can't find the answer why. Maybe i will call it for a moment and dun want to walk on this endless road.